I have an obsession with Mary - the Mother. I love her so much & every day, the more & more I think about her, connect with her & pray to her, my love deepens. I simply am amazed at how quickly she comes. I know that she resides in my heart, in all of our hearts. But, my goodness she is so benevolent.
One of my first obvious experiences of the Mother - I used to only pray or ask help from the Father, I think this is because I was taught this way, totally suprised me. Here is the story;
The last time I travelled into India alone, I flew from Bangkok after spending time with Dazla - Chang Mai, Laos ...I was very confident in India, having been before & I felt brave, courageous & strong. This time, I had been in Delhi for some time & decided to catch a train to Rishikesh - my favourite place in the world - I finally arrived after 16 hours on the train & a quick bus trip. I stepped off the bus & I felt nauseas. I jumped to the assumption of malaria because I forgot to take one tablet & coming from a medical family the assumption was obvious. I took the tablet & soon forgot about my impending death. I found a beautiful room up near Laksman Jula - it was bright, painted yellow & quiet. I spent the next two weeks in relative peace. I visited Sivananda's ashram every day. Read books. Bought cd's, mala beads, ate. It was my heaven.
After some time I realised that I was probably pregnant, I couldn't sleep on my tummy, had nausea, a late period etc... I felt quite content with this realisation. I continued doing my daily sadhana. Every morning I walked down to Sivananda's ashram at 5am in the dark & to continued be chased by the same dog.I dunked us, Indira & I, three times in the Ganga River.
It was all okay until one night when I had booked a taxi to pick me up at around 11pm to be taken through the dark country side by a stranger, probably a man, to the train station. I felt vunerable. A white woman travelling alone, at night is considered an easy target. I started to freak out, totally. Like I had never freaked out before. I think it was what people describe as a panic attack. I had never experienced anything quite like that. I was walking around my small room, very unsure what to do. My altar was set up for Shiva. My prayer was extremely patriarchal. Scream. I need my mother. Yes, this is just precisely who I need. I need Mother. I called her, Ma & she came in an instant. I felt her presence immediately - it felt like she heard me before I called her. From this moment, she was with me. I was calm, in control, serene, relieved. I travelled in that car through the Indian night with the Mother. Safe.
She had no judgement. She didn't mind that I hadn't 'needed' her before this. She was just there. She came to wrap her arms around me, protect me & love me. When I got to the railway station it was busy. There were several platforms for trains arriving every half hour or so. I stood in a well lit area. There were plenty of people sleeping on the platform, waiting for other trains. I observed a young mother with her new baby. The grandmother doting & cooing. This woman was extraordinarily beautiful. Her skin was of dark chocolate, her lips ruby red. She was dressed in very bold colours & she held a disposition of serenity & calm. She kept looking over at me. She had that all knowing look. I wonder if she knew I was pregnant?
That morning around 2am I boarded my train. The guard checked my ticket & I set up my little bed for the journey back into Delhi. I said a fervent prayer to the Mother & I slept peacefully on a pillow of gratitude wrapped in a blanket of love.
It would be days & another long train ride, this one; 24 hours, before I met Dazla in Varanasi to tell him of my experience with the Mother & the good news of Indira Evangeline.
To this day I am so grateful for the Mother stepping in & taking over where I could not. I consider the Mother to be most goddesses, just in different forms. I think that Amma is a living Saint & has many qualities that Mother Mary has too. I am confident of one thing. If you call her, she will come straight away.
