1. The main internal treasure I pack when I take the children to ashrams is love, tolerance, patience, lots of leyway, no expectation and the ability to totally go with the flow - even though I have had a little practice with this - like 18 years of practicing Satyananda yoga - it still humbles me to be proven otherwise - the ashram will soon naturally 'sort' me out.
2. An ashram means 'a place of work' on all levels, mental, physical etc and basically in an ashram you learn what you need to know, especially those idiosyncracies you didn't think you had or those ones that you thought you had already resolved, no, they are just sent again to try you even further, to test your level of understanding or to remind you of your resolve. It's hilarious! And if you don't laugh, you will most certainly cry.
So, your children teach you stuff, yep everyone knows this, and put those two above combinations together and you are strapped in for one fun ride!!!
One of my friends, an ashramite - yes, that's what they are called - has many years of practice both in and out of the ashram and as a mother. She took her seven year old to the ashram and during 'mouna' or silence the child began to scream, cry uncontrollable and yell out, "Oh, no mummy, please, please don't hit me!!!" This child has never been hit in her life and the mother was horrified. She new that she had to let go of being seen as a near perfect mother, she new that she had to let the child have this tantrum and she new she would have to face the people in the morning. She dug deep to unveil understanding, love, forgiveness and compassion of her child, herself and the other people.
Within the ashram the practice of inner silence or mouna is practised after evening programme and concludes the following morning after breakfast. The actual practice starts with us not talking to others, including body language; gestures and eye-contact. The idea is that you start to tune into or hear the noise going inside your head - the internal chatter. Once this is heard, you do not try to stop it or suppress it but simply become the witness to this process. Eventually, through practice and meditation the chatter, ideas, thoughts will stop and we will be left with golden silence.
The best way to teach children about mouna is to practice it ourselves. Sometimes at home we start the morning without the chatter. As the children get older we will practice more consciously throughout the day, as an example. At the ashram I like to tell the children when it is mouna - and as hard as it is for adults to practice, it is just as hard for the children to remember to practice mouna. I've seen many a parent seething at their child at breakfast to tell them through clenced teeth to 'shut up.' I think a gentle, whispering reminder is a better example. The children will talk. The adults still talk - but we have a better way of hiding these things - eventually that talk will form a whisper and then silence on the lips leading to the internal silence. It takes a long time.
It is the same for us too, when we are trying to learn something new - gentle encouragement is always the best way.
Most of all, I have fun at the ashram - I remember your inner child - and I enjoy myself.
Swami Niranjan was a very naughty boy at the ashram. He came to the ashram at the age of four. He constantly teased others, tipped buckets of water on senior disciples and was always involved in pranks. More about Niranjan here and here.
Satyananda was asked about raising children, he said, "Children should be mischievous because if they are suppressed or restricted, then they will be bad boys later and their parents will not be able to control them. If children are mischievous in a flat it is very difficult for their parents to control them because there is so little space, but if it is a property this size, who cares If the children run five times from one end of the building to the other they will be tired and sleep well.
That mischief is balila. Children have an excess of energy and they should run, they should do a lot of sport. The energy must be balanced. It is not good for children to read too much. Parents everywhere have a bad habit. They say to their children, "Why aren't you reading? Have you done your homework?" They never say, "Why don't you go and play football?" or "Today there is a nice picture showing, take some money and go." When the children want to see a picture, the parents say, "Yes," reluctantly. The attitude and awareness of parents and children is different. Children do not have an impure awareness, they have a very high level of awareness. Children are very close to God because they are pure." The entire article can be read here.
What do you think about developing intrinsic self-control? Is this how you teach your children?
