The Nonviolent Communication course Dazla & I did at Satyananda Yoga Mangrove last weekend has really made a deep impact upon us both & has filtered out to our children, our cat & our friends & work colleagues. We were able to learn the technique in a tranquil setting where we were removed from caretaking children, washing up & the general distractions of life. We had a fresh platform on which to learn & absorb the technique.
The following definition is from The Center for Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is based on the principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart.
NVC begins by assuming that we are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategies—whether verbal or physical—are learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. NVC also assumes that we all share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs.
People who practice NVC have found greater authenticity in their communication, increased understanding, deepening connection and conflict resolution.
Our beautiful facilitator, Dorset Campbell-Ross taught our group of 13 this technique in a way that was gentle, thorough, thoughtful & empathetic in other words, in a nonviolent way.
In a nut-shell the teaching is divided into 4 parts;
1. the story the observations around the story
2. how you feel
3. what your needs are
4. making a request
This is the technique put very simply. I recommend that you do a course for complete understanding of all the technique & activities.
Here is an example, that is a true story of my life;
Our cat Yogi is a very large puma like cat. He has aggressive tendencies that are played out on the children when he is not fed on time, not fed enough, has fleas & when the children use piercing volumes close to his ears. Sometimes when the children have been scratched, Dazla says to me, "I'm going to get rid of that cat! Imagine if he got their eye." When he says this I freak out & try to avoid the topic altogther.
In nvc terms this is how the situation can be addressed;
My feelings when Dazla says he wants to get rid of Yogi - I feel upset, sad, afraid, torn
My needs are - For all of my family to feel safe, harmonious & peaceful.
My request to Dazla - "Daz, would you be willing to feed Yogi on time & give him enough food. Would you also be willing to earn the money so I can buy Yogi his flea medication. Supervise the children's play with Yogi & could you also not say that you want to get rid of him?"
Dazla - "Yes."
A drawing by Indira. Yogi is pictured smiling at the front door of our happy home.
Satyananda Yoga Mangrove offers two courses every year. The dates for 2011 are April 29-May1 and Aug 12-14.
For courses in Australia & around the world go here.
Through this course I was given an opportunity to experience & practice empathy, to slow down & listen to others carefully, to identify my needs & get perspective on others' needs. Another major concept I received was; needs are a gift. As a woman, it is quite typical to go around dismissing your personal needs & also, as a mother, to put everyone else's needs first. Getting in touch with my feelings allowed me to identify my needs & through requests I am able to get those needs met. All of these things add up to one happy person. nvc creates awareness of others' over all being & therefore their own needs are able to be met. It provokes understanding & compassion & creates a peaceful, harmonious relationship that I am then able to meet. This creates happiness for them & me.
We brought the technique home & already Indira is starting to use it. At Dorset's website there is also a children's game & book on using the technique which we will practice so our children & ourselves can be empowered by this peaceful method of communication.
Like the yama of raja yoga - ahimsa/non-violence - nvc creates nonviolence of the mind, in the sense of thought, word & deed. nvc creates world peace through individual happiness.
Anahata Chakra
"Focus on the heart, not on the mouth"
~ Bridget Belgrave ~
